Why Can’t I Just Move On? The Slow Nature of Healing from Deep Trauma Wounds
Image Credit: Keenan Constance
We live in a world that rewards speed.
The way that modern living facilitates dopamine delivery is astounding. We expect things quickly, and all the time.
However, trauma doesn’t work that way.
And neither does deep healing.
It’s not quick and dirty. It’s painstakingly slow and deliberate.
You might be someone who’s incredibly self-aware.
You’ve read the books. You’ve tried the tools. You’ve even started therapy.
And still, something holds you back.
A moment comes when you’re just about to feel, to open, to release… and then it’s gone.
Numbness. Distraction. Shutdown.
Or maybe a voice inside whispers: “Not now. Not safe.”
And you may be left wondering:
“Why can’t I just get over this?”
“Why is it taking so long?”
“Am I blocking my own healing?”
“Am I never meant to heal?”
“Maybe this is it: once I break, I stay broken.”
The truth might be softer and more profound than you think.
Image Credit: Daniel Reche
When Holding Back Is Actually a Form of Care
What feels like self-sabotage is often something far older: a response your mind and body developed long ago to help you cope.
If you’ve been through trauma, chronic stress, or emotional neglect, your nervous system learned one rule: protect yourself at all costs because what you experienced back then can’t ever happen again.
So, if opening up to certain memories or emotions once felt unsafe, your nervous system may have learned to keep those doors closed, even now.
That response isn’t a failure, as much as the world would have you believe.
It’s something that once kept you going, and your mind might not yet be sure that letting go is truly safe.
You might notice:
A tendency to shut down when emotions rise.
A heavy fog or some amount of disconnect when something gets too close.
A pattern of avoiding conversations or memories that feel “too much”.
These are not a sign that something is wrong with you. They are evidence of your resilience, even if they feel frustrating now.
Image Credit: Keenan Constance
The Frustration of Slow Healing
Let’s be honest: healing slowly can feel unbearable.
You want change. You want peace.
You want to be free of whatever’s been weighing you down.
But your system, the deeper recess of you, that still remembers the amount of overwhelm, doesn't respond to pressure or deadlines because trauma responses defy the logic of modern productivity culture.
And one of the hardest truths about emotional and trauma recovery is this:
You cannot rush trust. It grows through consistency and care.
You know that the past is over. But a part of you may still be waiting for proof through felt experience, not through logic.
Image Credit: MART PRODUCTION
Why Deep Healing Doesn’t Fit Modern Expectations
We live in a world of instant gratification and because, in the works of Iain McGilchrist, our society is rather left-hemisphere driven, we value categorisation, order and linearity above relational and embodied understanding.
Trauma recovery isn’t a linear checklist. It’s not about performance.
Sometimes what looks like “being stuck” is actually your mind saying:
“Let’s take this slowly. I want to make sure it’s really safe this time.”
That internal hesitation isn’t laziness or avoidance.
It’s a deep biological caution that forms when you’ve been hurt before.
What looks like laziness or avoidance is often a deep instinct to steer away from emotional pain. This isn’t to do with being unwilling, but because your nervous system hasn’t yet felt safe enough to go there.
It’s easy to compare yourself to others or to your own expectations, but the truth is, healing that lasts is rarely fast. In fact, going slow is going quickly. Everyone arrives with different histories and idiosyncratic ways of handling their stresses, so that will naturally build uniquely different profiles when working in therapy.
Image Credit: João Jesus
Therapy as a Space for Safety, Not Pressure
In trauma-informed counselling and hypnotherapy, like what I provide, the focus isn’t on opening the tap to full flow.
Instead, we move gently.
We notice the signals your body gives. We work with the rhythms of your experience.
We don’t see emotional distance or avoidance as weakness.
We see it as a kind of survival strategy, one that made sense before, even if it’s no longer necessary.
And with the right support, those responses can soften through patience and respect.
Trauma recovery, emotional healing, whatever you want to call it, isn’t supposed to always be this image of catharsis, emotions drain out and then you start a new chapter. It’s complex and messy because we are complex and messy creatures!
Recovery is totally and utterly nonlinear, you may move one step forward, two steps back, and then next week you move three steps forward and one step back. It can be hard to keep track of where you are relative to the original starting point but the aim is a long-term average in the positive direction.
Unfortunately, because we, in modern society, have been so engrossed in an instant way of living, moment-to-moment, we can fall short of adopting a bigger picture perspective, which is why it can be hard to gauge making progress in therapy, especially when we are working with such sensitive material.
Image Credit: Sơn Bờm
From My Side of the Room
As a therapist, I often sit with people (virtually) who feel they’re not moving fast enough.
They wonder if they’re wasting time, or if something’s wrong with them because they can’t seem to “just let it go”.
But here’s what I have observed and carefully monitored over time with my longer-term clients: even when progress feels invisible, something meaningful is stirring underneath, like a greater tolerance for emotion, or the ability to stay present just a little longer.
Sometimes, what looks like going backward is a recalibration. Something as “small” and simple (but not easy) as a pause for breath.
A moment where your system is learning how to keep you safe and let in something new.
You might not see the change straight away, but later, it shows up in softer thoughts, gentler responses, and moments where you surprise yourself by staying present instead of shutting down.
That’s progress.
Not always visible, but real.
Image Credit: Brett Sayles
You’re Not Behind. You’re on Time.
There is no “ideal pace” for healing.
There is only your pace, the one that your body and mind can actually sustain.
You don’t need to fix yourself. You don’t need to force epiphanies or breakthroughs.
You just need space that is steady. And someone who respects your rhythm.
That’s the kind of therapy I aim to offer. One where there is no pressure to perform or transform overnight. Only a space to be met, have your experiences received, and walked with, at your own speed, and your inner wisdom will know what is right.
I invite you to consider Gandalf’s quote:
“A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.”
I wonder if it takes on a different meaning for you after reading this blog.
If what I’ve blogged strikes true for you, I’d love to hear from you, whether by discovery call or email.
Image Credit: Leeloo The First
Healing doesn’t plateau because you’re weak. It is often because shame slows the process, whispering that you’re broken. If you’d like to explore this further, you may also like:
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