When was the last time you relaxed?

Not just collapsing on the sofa and preoccupying yourself with TV.

I’m talking about fully experiencing letting your body go limp.

It can be hard to remember. Or maybe you’ve never fully relaxed before.

Modern society values productivity, performance and constant availability. Unfortunately, relaxation doesn’t quite fit that mould. The very paradox that folds into that is wouldn’t everyone be more productive if we could all learn to relax? After all, better ideas and deeper insights come from a calmer state rather than a wired one.

If you’re not used to it and you begin to try it, you might find that your body fights against it, if anything you can begin to feel more alert or overstimulated. This is very common. It’s a phenomenon that has been studied since the 1980s called relaxation-induced anxiety. Believe it or not, it’s not a sign of failure, it’s your nervous system trying to keep you safe because perhaps relaxation is an unfamiliar state, and unfamiliarity can spell vulnerability, and possibly the idea of letting go can trigger a need for control. Your nervous system has been trained, unconsciously (because we’re built that way), to keep you on high alert for unfamiliar situations, but man, does it get tiring. That’s hypervigilance.

And where does that fit in the nervous system side of things?

The Nervous System

This simplification will not do the field of study justice, so if you are interested, I would recommend reading up on it as it is fascinating. The following is borrowed from Stephen Porges’ The pocket guide to the polyvagal theory - The Transformative Power of feeling Safe.

Prepare to go tunnelling down.

The nervous system has two main branches:

· The central nervous system (CNS), responsible for processing information and coordinating activity, it handles thoughts, emotions, movements and reflexes.

And

· The peripheral nervous system (PNS) which relays information between the CNS and the rest of the body.

Within the PNS, there is the autonomic nervous system (ANS) which is responsible for unconscious bodily processes such as breathing, heart rate and digestion.

There are two, well-known branches the ANS further divides into:

· The sympathetic nervous system which activates energy for fight/flight.

And

· The parasympathetic nervous system which calms the body down, supports rest, digestion and recovery.

But thanks to Polyvagal Theory, we now understand that the parasympathetic system isn’t just one thing. It has two branches, both tied to the vagus nerve (hence "polyvagal"):

· Ventral vagal branch which is responsible for social engagement, calm, connection, and presence. Functions involve regulating vocal tone, eye contact, facial expressions, heart-rate variance integrity.

And

· Dorsal vagal branch which is responsible for immobilisation, freeze, and collapse states, that is triggered when you perceive a threat you cannot escape. Functions involve drastically slowing heart rate, dissociation, digestive shutdown, faintness and emotional numbness.

Hypervigilance fits firmly in the sympathetic nervous system and it shows up as tighter muscles, shallow breathing, constantly scanning surroundings, increased heart rate and possibly an inability to sit still. For some others, it can materialise internally as racing thoughts, feeling on edge, or sitting in anticipatory fear, also known as anxiety.

Hypervigilance can be a normal and even favourable response, especially when you find yourself interacting in an environment warranting such a state. The issues arise when you objectively find yourself in an environment where you are safe, but you don’t necessarily feel safe because of how your story may have been shaped by unpredictable environments, neglect, trauma, or beliefs that safety is conditional. Your body learns that staying alert is how you survive.

Surely then, the natural antidote is to learn how to access the ventral vagal branch?

Theoretically, yes.

Unfortunately, it isn’t as straightforward.

For those who’ve been conditioned to operate in a sympathetic state for a long time, habitually, to the point where it becomes a chronic default, instability becomes the norm. The nervous system, which is so used to staying switched ‘on,’ can end up swinging to the opposite extreme: a dorsal shutdown.

Although this is a parasympathetic response, it is not the kind that is associated with calm and connection. It’s the kind that is linked to immobilisation, collapse, and emotional disconnection. In many ways, this state can be just as harmful, if not more so, than chronic hypervigilance, especially given its effects on energy, mental clarity, and the capacity to feel anything at all.

So the question naturally now becomes:

How do we gently shift into a ventral vagal state when all our nervous system knows is survival and shutdown?

"Just Relax"

You've probably been told by someone to relax more: take a bath, get some rest, breathe deeply. But here's the problem:

You can't think or relax your way out of a nervous system that doesn't feel safe.

Relaxation isn't just about having a break.

It's about having a nervous system that believes it's allowed to let go. And for many people, especially those living in a prolonged state of stress, relaxation feels unsafe because the body is constantly primed for threats, even when there aren’t any.

The more productive choices?

3 Body-Based Practices to Help You Feel More Present

For your nervous system to feel safe, it needs not only reassurance but it also evidence, and it doesn’t come from self-talk, it comes from sensations, or a felt sense, not forced through the mind, but through generating small, consistent signals that your body learns it can be safe enough now to settle just for a bit.

Below are 3 practices that I implement with my clients in-session, so that they can experience just for a brief moment what it can feel like to be safe.

1) Sigh / Vooo

Take a deep inhale (ideally through your nose) and then sigh audibly out your mouth, like a natural exhale of relief or gently try voicing a low “vooo...” on the exhale, like a boat horn.

Challenge: try and do it with a trusted partner, look at each other when you “vooo” and try not to laugh.

Research shows that these audible exhalations stimulate the ventral vagus nerve and help down-regulate the sympathetic nervous system.

2) Grounding Feet First

Whether you are sat or standing, bring attention to your feet and notice all the sensations in the encounter: the texture of the ground, the temperature, the pressure on the toes, heels and then slowly bring your attention in your felt experience up the body, legs, hips, one section at a time.

Bonus: If you are lucky enough to have a garden with some grass, going barefoot during sensible weather conditions can provide a more palpable grounding experience in connecting to the earth.

Research shows that hypervigilance pulls your awareness upward into your chest and head. Internally, brain regions like the amygdala and insula are activated, scanning for threat and amplifying physical tension, whilst the pre-frontal cortex (PFC), which is responsible for executive function and self-regulation starts to down-regulate. This exercise helps reverse that energy flow, redirecting attention downward, helping you tune back into your body and stabilise internal signals, bringing your PFC slowly back online.

3) Orient to the Here and Now

Without rushing, slowly let your eyes scan your surroundings.

Take in colours, shapes, movement, light, and objects.

Let your head gently turn if it wants to.

Try naming what you see silently or out loud: “I see white shores... a far green country... under a swift sunrise.”

Why it works:

When you’re anxious and hypervigilant, your nervous system is in an anticipatory mode, in other words, preoccupied with what might happen next. This practice helps pull you out of prediction mode and into the here and now. Being present is synonymous with the ventral vagal state. When we are in that state we are open for connection.

The Tolkien fans among you might recognise that quote I used in the example!

These practices aren’t quick fixes or magic tricks. They’re small, body-based invitations, saying “It’s okay to pause.” Over time, your nervous system can learn that safety isn’t something you have to chase, it’s something you can feel into gradually, from the inside out.

If this resonates with you and if you're curious about how these practices might look in a therapeutic setting, I offer a free 20-minute discovery call where you can find out more.

Book a Discovery Call

References

Arnsten, A.F.T., Raskind, M.A., Taylor, F.B., & Connor, D.F. (2015). The effects of stress exposure on prefrontal cortex: Translating basic research into successful treatments for post-traumatic stress disorder. Neurobiology of Stress. 1, pp. 89-99.

Dana, D. (2020). Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology). W. W. Norton & Company.

Foster, B. (2025a). Therapy for anxiety: Beyond labels. Ben Foster Therapy. Available at: https://www.benfostertherapy.com/blogs/therapy-for-anxiety-beyond-labels. [Accessed: 26 July 2025].

Foster, B. (2025b). When You Feel Like You’re Not Enough: How Hypnotherapy Helps Rebuild Self-Worth. Ben Foster Therapy. Available at: https://www.benfostertherapy.com/blogs/how-hypnotherapy-helps-rebuild-self-worth. [Accessed: 26 July 2025].

Grupe, D.W., & Nitschke, J.B. (2013). Uncertainty and anticipation in anxiety: an integrated neurobiological and psychological perspective. Nat Rev Neurosci. 14(7), pp. 488-501.

Heide, F.J., & Borkovec, T.D. (1983). Relaxation-induced anxiety: Paradoxical anxiety enhancement due to relaxation training. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 51(2), pp. 171-182.

Kim, H., Newman, M.G. (2019). The paradox of relaxation training: Relaxation induced anxiety and mediation effects of negative contrast sensitivity in generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. Journal of Affective Disorders. 259, pp. 271-278.

Koniver, L. (2023). Practical applications of grounding to support health. Biomedical Journal. 46(1), pp. 41-47.

Meacham, F., & Bergstrom, C.T. (2016). Adaptive behavior can produce maladaptive anxiety due to individual differences in experience. Available at: https://arxiv.org/abs/1501.03205. [Accessed: 26 July 2025].

Porges, S. (2017). The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology). W. W. Norton & Company.

Stein, M.B., Simmons, A.N., Feinstein, J.S., & Paulus, M.P. (2007). Increased Amygdala and Insula Activation During Emotion Processing in Anxiety-Prone Subjects. American Journal of Psychiatry. American Psychiatric Publishing (AJP). 164(2), pp. 318–327.

Trauma Therapist Institute. (2025). Dorsal vagal shutdown: A holistic approach to recovery and resilience. Available at: https://www.traumatherapistinstitute.com/blog/Dorsal-Vagal-Shutdown-A-Holistic-Approach-to-Recovery-and-Resilience. [Accessed: 26 July 2025].

Woo, E., Sansing, L.H., Arnsten, A.F.T., & Datta, D. (2021). Chronic Stress Weakens Connectivity in the Prefrontal Cortex: Architectural and Molecular Changes. Chronic Stress. 5.

Why Can’t I Relax? Uncovering Hypervigilance and How to Feel Safe

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